Despite the old adage, all is not fair in love and war.
Love has boundaries of care and respect that make relationship conflict taxing and certain mindsets and behaviors illicit.
In the heat of the moment, it can be hard to comply with the guidelines of love and war. Those who just can’t make it happen end up having recurring arguments, distancing themselves, and even calling it all off altogether.
So, where do you begin to understand how to argue well enough that it actually makes your relationship better? Here are a few tips:
Reframe Conflict as an Opportunity
Arguments, fights, and disagreements have all been pegged as negative elements in a relationship. But, that’s not necessarily the truth.
While any type of conflict can feel uncomfortable, it can also be your window of opportunity. Conflict is a chance to get to know your partner better. Thus, deepening your relationship.
No matter what your relationship conflict is about – house, money, work, family, etc. – explore why it’s a conflict in the first place. It’s likely you’ll learn more about your partner’s core values when you give conflict the space to teach you.
To see conflict as an opportunity, reframe your mind. Rather, see them as your chance to add meaningful discussion to your relationship.
Question an Issue’s Importance
It’s only natural for you to be testier when you’re tired, like after a long day’s work. Nitpicking and bickering seem to happen more during exhausted moments when your character is put to the test.
Rather than giving into the urge to argue about something insignificant, pause a moment to question how important the issue truly is. Think of it as a keeping a molehill a molehill.
If the issue isn’t important, don’t argue about it. Instead, communicate to your partner that you really don’t want to argue at the moment. But, you do need some downtime and you’d enjoy spending it with them.
Set Your Expectations
Relationship conflict often happens because your expectations aren’t met. Though many couples fail to communicate their expectations from the start anyway. Needless to say, conflicts arise because of ignorance. Neither of you truly know what the other is expecting.
For instance, household chores are often a common topic to argue about. Eliminating the guesswork can effectively cut out loads of conflict and increase the level of trust between you.
Aside from household duties, be sure to communicate what you expect from your partner. Also, hear them out as they communicate what they expect or need from you. It’s important that you come to an agreement on this and then follow through, as well.
Accept You Won’t Always Agree
For some, being in a satisfying relationship means agreeing on everything. Yet, a satisfying relationship is more about accepting one another than agreeing all the time.
It takes two assertive and dedicated people to have different views, beliefs, and opinions but not feel threatened by each other. Accepting your partner for exactly who they are is a big part of this.
Furthermore, accept that your partner comes from their own unique background. Their experiences and perspectives are unique to them. Because of this, they don’t think exactly like you do.
Shifting your approach will help you to make conflict more meaningful because it allows for a natural sense of curiosity to lead the way. You likely don’t think alike, but you’re willing to learn more about your partner so you understand them better.
If you’re ready to strengthen your relationship by learning how to argue well then please contact me. I can be the support you need to navigate through complex emotions so that you better understand and love your partner.